The cycle of sabotage

One of the hardest struggles with mental health and personal growth is consistency. Lots of times I’ve amped myself up, engaged in a flurry of activity with a new endeavor and felt so sure I had it all figured out.

For example, a couple of months ago, I launched this website and the new branding of KOSHL. I spent nights and weekends getting the blog platform coded and setup. I wrote articles every day and had content scheduled out for a month.

The earliest signs of traffic started trickling in and then BOOM silence. I dropped off the radar, went into isolation, lost all motivation and told myself “What’s the point?”

This is the perpetual cycle of sabotage I find myself in constantly. Highs and lows, peaks and valleys. I start dabbling in other things, telling myself I’ll get back to it one day. Then I never do, it sits idle on the shelf, for months and years.

I’ve been on the cusp of success so many times in my creative life I've lost count how many times I've run away from it.

For me the answer is the recognition and acceptance of the cycle and building a deep self-awareness into these patterns.

My oath is to show up and be present even on those days I want to do nothing less in the world than be here.

When I abruptly jump off the wagon, I’ll scratch and claw my way back to the road to find it. That’s what this post is, me showing up again after disappearing.

Yes I’ve fallen again, but it’s okay because this time I’m getting back up.